I did it!
With those two short words, I pulled you into a black hole of drama and despair.
I didn’t mean to. That’s just one of the unconscious games people play with each other when they’re either looking for support or looking for validation that they are indeed stuck.
Pay attention to how you feel as you read this example from one of our student Facebook groups, which inspired this post:
Hey Supers! I’m stuck. I really want to move forward with some discovery calls, but I’m not clear on what to charge for 1:1 coaching or how I should structure it. I realize that it’s not an easy question and that I’ll be diving much deeper into this during Mentorship, but if I can get a couple of clients more sooner than later, it’d really help. Any advice anyone has to offer is greatly appreciated. 🙂
When I read this, I feel pulled in to support Theresa. She has given me the opportunity to solve her problem and “rescue” her with support and advice.
But here’s what that does to our dynamic: She become the victim and I become the rescuer, which allows us to play all-too-comfortable roles that leaves us both disempowered.
Why? Well, simply using the “s word” to describe the process of getting clear puts the focus on being stuck, rather than getting clear.
As they say, what you focus on expands.
And, as Henry Ford said, “Whether you think you can, or you think you can’t–you’re right.”
You are what you say you are.
So saying “I’m stuck” gives Theresa permission to — guess what — stay stuck!
And, if I were to acknowledge her “stuckness,” then I would also be giving her permission to stay stuck…
But as her mentor, I’m not going to do that because the truth is that she’s not stuck.
She, like you, is in constant motion. And when you recognize your inherent capability and resourcefulness, the game starts to change.
In my latest blog, I give you some powerful reframes for the word “stuck” so you can eliminate the “s word” from your vocabulary once and for all.
Your language defines your life. So let’s upgrade that vocabulary of yours, starting with the word “stuck,” so you can talk like the superhero that you are!
Instead of saying “I’m stuck,” how about saying:
– I’m in the process of getting clear about x
– I’m getting clear on x
– I’m clarifying my approach to x
– I’m about to learn how to x
– I’m about to have a breakthrough around x
– I’m creating a new neural pathway for x
– I’m expanding my comfort zone around x
– I’m expanding my capacity to x
– I’m experimenting with x
– I’m testing ideas for x
Or even “I’m ready to breakthrough feeling stuck around x”. That way “stuck” is a momentary feeling rather than a state of being that defines you.
This is the difference between calling someone mean vs saying that sometimes they say mean things or sometimes they behave in ways that feel mean to you. In one situation you’re judging them as a person and in the other you’re addressing an unproductive pattern of behavior.
When you ask for support in this empowered way, you change the game from victim/rescuer to creator/champion.
When Theresa reframes her question to: “I’m experimenting with pricing ideas for 1:1 coaching, can I get your input so I feel more confident in getting my next couple clients?,” she becomes the creator of her life, rather than the victim of her circumstances… and I get to support her as her champion, rather than supporting a disempowering story.
Instead of “needing” me, she is “receiving” my support. The ability to ask for and receive support in an empowering way is one of the biggest success principles there is.
What are your favorite ways to reframe your “story of struggle” into a “story of growth”?
Let me know in the chat so we can support each other in using conscious language that supports our growth and evolution as individuals and as a tribe.